Yes, normally I LOVE to drink. However, right now I’m in recovery. I started drinking when I was 17 and LOVED it. I still love it but it causes all kinds of problems. There are DWI’s (2), hospitals (multiple), finding lumps and scraps anywhere and everywhere, jail (multiple) which implies community service (working for free) and HORROR. Nothing is weirder then waking up and having some strange man licking your calf. Geez, I hadn’t even shaved my legs in two weeks. YUCK. Then there is waking up with strange people in their bed. “Where is my car,” I would think, I MUST get out of here. Once my car was in the middle of a small parking lot blocking other cars. It had been there overnight and someone got in an released the emergency break. It had coasted backwards. Sometimes I couldn’t find it at all so I would report it as stolen. It’s a good thing I don’t have children, God knows where they would be. Then there is this:
Yes, HORROR!! When I get really drunk I HAVE TO HAVE tattoos. But my judgement is not the best obviously. That one says “FUN.” Then there was the “8 Ball.” God knows what I was thinking. Or not thinking. Sadly there are more and I got them when I was drunk. Being an alcoholic has its advantages if you’re insane. Clearly I’m insane, just not right now. Last time I took a vacation I went to Laguna Beach. I immediately drank the mini bar. Yes, the entire thing. Then went out for drinks where I had to try everything new. That is, everything that I hadn’t had since the last period of sobriety. They have loads of new items, such as grapefruit liquor and something that tasted like mango except it was more like an accelerated mango. I think I would drink gasoline if it got me drunk. Mmmmmm, gasoline. I understand you can get blasted off formaldehyde but I think I’ll pass.
The Art of Neurosis 